i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
