He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You work out of a Hotel?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
