thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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