I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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