She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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