we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
