forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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