dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
