why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
