I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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