i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
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You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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