Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
