Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
