I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
