The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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