i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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