the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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