Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
