Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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