I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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