dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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