I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
