hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize