Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
