Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize