Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
