carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
