WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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