not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
