so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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