I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
