I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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