god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
