lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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