I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
