If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
