I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is Oprah even human
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
