I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
