At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
