if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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