Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
