Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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