i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
