At least make sure they are 18
Why
Girls should come with a carfax report
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
