oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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