She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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