My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
