This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
