I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
