I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
