shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
