We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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