Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
