If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
