I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
