found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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