The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.