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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  did i?

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points

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• (818): View more from California

  Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (985): View more from Louisiana

  He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing

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• (707): View more from California

  No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!

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• (631): View more from New York

  I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  .......Shattered dreams and tequila?

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