I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT