with your own penis?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...