i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
