You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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