She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
