Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
