quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
