I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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