dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
