Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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