I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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