You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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