put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
