his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize