Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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