omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
