I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
