He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The best revenge is premature balding
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
