i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
