Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
