I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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